Realizing what you want, doesn’t mean it’s the right time to ask for it. I think that when I can no longer be happy without having what it is I want, then I’ll go after it. Now is not the time. :) And that’s okay with me.
01. I just want you to be okay. Smile. Don’t stress yourself out too much!
02. To you both, I’m sorry I make it hard for you to love me. I’m sorry I’ve disappointed you.
03. I’m not quite sure why, but even though you’ve always been there for me, you irk me like no other. But really, thank you.
04. I still think about you sometimes. I wish we could have been friends, but I know that won’t happen. Good luck with life. Be happy.
05. I’m excited for this summer and new things to come. I wouldn’t have imagined that we’d have become as close as we are, but I’m glad for it.
06. We don’t talk anymore, but I hope you’re finding your way to what you’re in search of.
07. I wish you’d open up more to me, but I won’t push. Just look for the brighter days ahead. You’ll be okay.
08. Sincerely, I wish for you to grow up with your playful sense of what life means. As long as you have that, you’ll be fine, I know of it. Please grow up happily.
09. Obviously we’re not as close as before since you’ve moved, but I’m glad that whenever you come back home, we can still laugh at the same nothings we always have. I’m sorry I’ve disappointed you too.
10. I know I have to hold myself back with you. It doesn’t feel like something I’m doing naturally, but something I have to constantly remind myself to do. I just hope in some ways, you’re holding yourself back too.
“Have no fear of givin’ in
Have no fear for givn’ over
You better know that in the end
It’s better to say too much
Than to never say what you need to say again
Say what you need to say”
- John Mayer
Today is my little brother’s 10th birthday.
Oh how they grow up so fast.
John, my older brother, came home for the occasion.
Catching up with him always cheers me up.
My dad also returned from the Philippines this afternoon.
I’m kind of nervous about talking with him.
I found out today that an aunt & uncle of mine recently just got married.
I thought they were already married for my entire life!
I also found out today that I already knew “his” mom, but was just never introduced to her as his girlfriend (ex status).
She buys supplies from us to sell at her own store. My manager called her my “ex-mother-in-law”.
Time flies by when you’re having fun.
J: it’s been 3 weeks already?
J: time flies by
J: i feel like…my hair is getting whiter
J: as we speak
Looking forward to:
- Finishing this semester
- Passing CNA State Board Exam
- 19th birthday
- Moving out
- Cali trip w/ the fambam
..hopefully this heat doesn’t kill me first.
- Sae, Malvyn, & I kick butt in Cranium: WOW Edition.
- It proves Sae & I think a lot alike, with five years of friendship to back it up.
- The guys greatly impressed me tonight with their musical talents. ♥ ;)
- And it doesn’t matter if you can sing well or not, kareoke-ing you’re with friends, is amazing all the same.
Today was a very, very good day. Despite the lack of sleep I endured last night. Two hours total. Eeek. I’m exhausted. I hope you guys had a fantastic day as well. :)
I am indecisive.
I accomplish my goals.
I think aloud.
I sing to myself.
I can be too curious for my own good.
I strongly dislike hot tea.
I only drink water if it’s ice-cold.
I love colder weather, but my hands are always warm.
I find it harder to breathe in warmer weather.
I very much love receiving hugs.
I enjoy holding hands even more.
I am picky.
I chose nursing as a career, not only because my parents want it, but because I can’t seem to stay away from hospitals.
I was diagnosed with diabetes when I was ten years old.
I have had one seizure.
I have passed out in school twice..or three times.
I have been rushed to the hospital by ambulance five times.
I see an endocrinologist, nutritionist, and diabetic educator every three to four months.
I get blood work done every three months.
I see an opthamologist once a year.
I get routine physical check-ups every six months.
I have a very minor case of scoliosis.
I see a spine specialist once a year.
I also have a very minor case of hypothyroidism, but don’t require meds for it.
I am just health-wise: screwed.
I am naturally cautious.
I have to choose to be daring.
I let grudges go with friends easily.
I am more easily irritated with family.
I value both almost as equally; family first.
I favor the color yellow.
I love penguins.
I eat popcorn with chopsticks at home.
I sometimes eat ice cream with a fork.
I prefer books to have more than three-hundred or so pages.
I only buy hardcover books as a last resort, since they cost more than paperbacks.
I am a sappy, cheesy, romatic type at heart.
I have expectations.
I know better than to require that they’re reached every single time.
I compromise to avoid arguments in most cases.
I say what I mean.
I mean what I say.
I don’t have trust issues, but I tend to be skeptical.
I value the words “please” and “thank you”.
I appreciate simple questions such as, “How was your day?”
I laugh at everything, and nothing.
I smile until my cheeks hurt.
I miss working two jobs and going to school at the same time.
I get bored easily, and enjoy simple distractions.
I recycle and improve ideas.
I always try to find something to say.
I love hearing and learning from the opinions of others.
I hate vacuuming, but I have to do it every night.
I prefer that everyone wash their own dishes.
I prefer that everyone cleaned up after themselves, period.
I rarely let others know when I pick up on body language cues that could mean something.
I collect Snapple “Real Fact” caps for their random tidbits of information.
I am a whiz with word searches.
I love sunflowers, lilies, and roses.
I was in a gardening club in third grade.
I was in Girl Scouts in first grade.
I was also involved in softball, swimming, basketball, and tae kwon do.
I want to get back into playing the piano again.
I need to buy a new digital camera.
I miss my iPod Photo; 40G was love.
I would like to leave a bold positive impact on this world, or in your life.
I want to keep all of the people I have in my life, forever.
I want to meet hundreds, thousands more.
I want to think of myself as independent.
I want to be someone you can depend on.
- Sae: which quote?
- Sarah Joy: "When you're in love you can't fall asleep because reality is better than your dreams." -Dr. Suess
- Sarah Joy: And I pulled out the paper and told him to read number "nine".
- Sarah Joy: And he's all, "Dr. Seuss was a pedophile, what does he know about love."
- Sae: XD
- Sarah Joy: LOL.
- Mom: "Do you want some cake?"
- Me: "My blood sugar is 246.."
- Mom: "...so you don't want any?"
- Me: -___-;
I’ve had a lot on my mind lately. And for a while, I was worried about that—thinking too much. But I’ve come to the conclusion that that doesn’t matter. It shouldn’t. What I really need is a listener. Someone I trust and who can patiently sit there while I ramble my brains out, getting everything I need to off of my chest. Because these past few days it feels like I haven’t been granted the chance to. And now it’s all just welling upside of me, ready to explode.
To me it feels like a lot has changed. I suppose that’s because, even the smallest of details, seem important. Or at least important enough for me to keep in my mind to think back on for whatever future purposes I might need that bit of information for.
Ultimately, I just want people to say what they mean, and for it to be believable to me. And if people can just do what they want, not holding back with their actions and stuck to just wonder, that’d be nice too.
Imagining a place in a world like this, I just think it’d make things easier.
“This love is taking all of my energy.”
I have to say, I’m at a lost. All in all, I just want this to be a good year. I’m leaving the bad things behind and looking forward towards the good. I guess I just want to make sure that the choices I decide to make now, will lead me in that direction.
Ultimately, I just don’t want to get hurt. In miniscule ways, it feels as if I’m setting myself up for that. So naturally: guard’s up. People say high school was drama. But to me it almost feels as if..people just become more lost as they get older. Quite a few people I find that I’m surrounding myself with, are just..unsure. Like no one knows what they want, and it’s leaving piles of completely avoidable messes behind.
In a way, I feel let down.
Confident men care. They are interested in getting to know your interests because its not a competition. Confident men have nothing to prove to themselves so they don’t really play games. If they’re attracted to you, they’re attracted to you. They will call you. They will want to spend time with you. It is never an issue.
On the other hand, I have found that men who aren’t confident – who don’t have their shit together – will find the most creative ways to put you down. They’ll twist your words, they’ll give you backhanded compliments instead of obvious ones. A compliment hidden in an insult; every women’s dream, right? Men who aren’t confident will make you beg and crawl for answers. They won’t call you for days just to see how you will react. They’ll be cold and hot and cold and hot.
But a confident man? He’s not someone that needs to be fixed. He’s not someone that doesn’t know what he wants. He won’t be cheap with his praise because being honest and real about how he feels doesn’t cost him anything.
- Sarah Joy: -__-
- Sarah Joy: The book I got..isn't even 300 pages.
- Jordan: is that like disappointing loll
- Jordan: ooohh you know what's interesting..
- Sarah Joy: Yeah.
- Sarah Joy: Hm?
- Jordan: and has a lot of pages...
- Jordan: the dictionary
- Jordan: and the bible
- Jordan: go read that
- Jordan: nerd
- Sarah Joy: LOL
- Jordan: lol
- Jordan: :)
When you know you’re not alone, not the only one he’s interested in.. If anything, most likely a rebound.. What do you do? I just feel like things got slightly complicated, because I don’t know how to feel about it. :(
- Me: "OMG. Cutest asian baby ever!! Awww!"
- Jordan: "Lol big cheeks?!"
- Me: "YES. Haha."
Taken while driving home from Arizona circa March ‘08.
I let it out today, through a most unconventional way. But I suppose I’m relieved, just to have it out there. I’ve learned about myself that I don’t want to hold anything back, if not holding back isn’t going to do me any harm. Live without regrets. And if anything bad happens, I’m simply learning from my mistakes. With that said, I want to make a note of the fact that I’m not expecting anything in return. We’ll just see where the road takes us. That whatever happens, happens. And what will be will.
On a side note. I’m still curious about him. Simply because I’m human, and I’m not void of emotion. But I won’t seek for the information that would satisfy my curiosity. It would only cause tension, which isn’t something I look for, or require. Goodnight all. :)
It could go either way. More often than not, it points to “go ahead”. But what doesn’t point in that direction, is equal in importance.
Oh, what to do, what to do?
You are working extremely hard - perhaps even above and beyond the call of duty. You are preparing for the future and therefore trying to build a firm trouble-free foundation upon which you may base all of your dreams and aspirations.
Conditions are rather confusing at this time. You would like to involved with a particular person or a particular situation but you are holding back. You find it difficult to make a decision.
You are feeling full of uncertainty and worrying over what you consider as missed opportunities. This is causing considerable stress and tension. You feel that there must be more to life than the constant pressures and anxieties - that surely life must hold far more opportunities than that which it has to date presented to you. You sincerely believe that there must be a simpler way to tap life’s hidden recourses and should you be able to find that way - you could achieve your hearts desire. It’s the not knowing ‘how’ that is affording you the constant worry. You are constantly probing and seeking - trying to ensure that at all times you are on your guard against missing any opportunity. ‘Enough is enough’. You are anxious to avoid further setbacks.
You really like doing what you do and, more than that, you like yourself. Your attitude to work and to life is that ‘If its not fun - then don’t do it’. You want to be liked and respected, not for who you are but for what you are - and it seems to be working.
I think it’s pretty accurate? Haha who knows with these things. :]
- Sae: "Lol johnnys favorite cereal is cinnamon toast crunch too"
- Me: "LOL. He can have breakfast with us anytime then! :)"
- Sae: "Lol he can SOMETIMES eat with us. He's a half betrayer. His other favorite is blue Fruit Loops. Tsk tsk"
- Me: "Oh man. We'll definitely have to watch him then. To make sure he doesn't switch out our cereals."
- Sae: "I agree completely. This is a matter that we have to take seriously and watch the loser under all circumstances."